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Tuesday 23 October 2012

Traitorous Need



Traitorous Need

Funny people
Sunny people
Bright button people
Engaging people
Sad people
Happy people
Needy people
Needed people
Hopeful people
Hopeless people
Lonely people
Cherished people

Around my muffled pocket of headspace they spin
Weaving and chasing their lives
Near enough to touch, and yet so far away.

Watch them. Feel them.
Take them into your inner mind's eye.
Make from them what you can.
Wonder....

How must it be to feel worth
Value
Use
Belonging
Needed rather than in need?

How must it be to be wanted
Cared for
Safe
Held
Needed for your needs?

What are the words?
How are they said without being said?
Heard without sound?
When will I know?

As saving grace veneer drops harshly away to display
older
weaker
faded
less than
heavier
tedious
inadequate
undesirable
Driving deeper into alone
Until nothing is left.

And just when hope should finally be damned,
Why does traitorous need then raucously scream
stronger
louder
desperate
lonely
A constant cutting razor sickness pain?

So small the cure, and yet so huge;
The command that simply says, "I care".
The look that says, "You are not alone".
The, "I have your back and will keep you safe".
So little and yet so much
Can warm the heart and heal the soul.

So little for others........
Everything to me

Wednesday 13 June 2012

Just Dreams.....



Just Dreams.......

Sometimes I just cover my face;
Close my lids and travel through space.
Twisting, turning; silver soft aura,
Mercury slowly, gracefully streaming.
No more tears; no fears; no ugly yearning
No razor blade of sadness seeking my eyes
No pain shadow trapping my psyche  
No more broken and ripped apart
No more silent screaming into the dark.
Bathed in the halo of a healing starlight.
Yielding up whole to the perfect trust of 
My inner submissive soul.

Sometimes (no, always)
That coldest of Dominants, who calls Himself "Reality"
Shakes me hard back into the land of Everyman's Life.
Forces my hands clean away from my face; 
Shines unforgiving raw light into my opened eyes.
Tears away dreams and security in one rushing swoop.
Shoves me out the door and slams locks it behind me.
Leaving me to fight and claw my way
Back through the bloody battle of 'Fend for Yourself'.



Tuesday 21 February 2012

Trust


Trust

Trust is.....
The small things.
The word in confidence
The private aside
The expectation of understanding
The glimpse of the photo.
The shared secret things 

Trust is......
 the big things. 
 The unconditional
The embracing arms of the circle
The warm waves of comfortable pleasure and belonging
The comfortable tranquillity of the psyche.

Mistrust is...
The small things.
The guarded and too carefully chosen word
The sotto-voiced murmur
The arm's length
The just seen careful glance
The things just barely kept from seen.


Mistrust is the huge things.
 The chilled and lonely fringes
of Just-Beyond land
The nagging worry of why.
The needled thoughts
picking and thrusting at the peace in your belly.
Bidding for heart.
Forcing up the tide of sadness
Drowning pride and self respect.